英語寫作技巧：善用從句，變化才是真

　　一篇英語文章如果通篇都是簡單句或者單一的句式，就會顯得單調(diào)乏味、乏善可陳，也會暴露出作者的寫作技巧之貧乏。靈活多變的句式能使文章增色不少，例如通過分詞、從句、介詞或形容詞詞組等將若干簡單句整合成長句，不僅能使句與句之間的聯(lián)系更加緊密，而且還能增強(qiáng)整篇文章的邏輯性，讀起來也不會枯燥無味。同時，靈活的句式變化還能顯示出作者對于語言文字的良好的掌控能力。當(dāng)然，使用各種復(fù)雜多變的句式有一個重要的前提，那就是不能出現(xiàn)低級的語法錯誤，否則就會適得其反。

 

　　例句點評

 

　　Choppy: The Art ofStrategy was written by Sun Tzu. Itis a fifty-six-hundred-word Chinese classical work. The writer put forth a setof principles in a very tightly compressed manner. They deal with how to defeatoppositions and win battles.

 

　　Better: Inhis fifty-six-hundred word classic, TheArt of Strategy, Sun Tzu put forth a tightly compressed set of principlesfor achieving triumph over opposition.

 

　　【評析】修改前這段話的問題在于：(1)主謂結(jié)構(gòu)過多;(2) written和writer、The Art of Strategy和it、a set of principles和they指代的內(nèi)容相同，顯得重復(fù);(3)單一的句式結(jié)構(gòu)不僅顯得句與句之間的邏輯關(guān)系松散，而且顯得文字效果單調(diào)。修改后的句子將原文包含的五個信息點(書名、作者、書籍特點/屬性、主要內(nèi)容、寫作目的)囊括于一個長句之中，將“孫子提出一系列原則”(SunTzu put forth a set of principles)確定為最核心的主謂結(jié)構(gòu)，其余次要信息分別通過兩個介詞詞組(in和for)以及同位語的形式一一列出，條理清晰，符合英語的語言表達(dá)習(xí)慣。

 

　　Choppy: Of course, theweapons at Sun Tzu’s time were quite primitive. The armies were very large.They were nearly as large as those in World War Two. The devastation and humansufferings were just as profound as in World War Two.

 

　　Better: Comparedwith World War Two, the weapons at Sun Tzu’s time were quite primitive, but thearmies were nearly as large and the devastation and human suffering just asprofound.

 

　　【評析】分析修改前的幾個句子可以發(fā)現(xiàn)，它們?nèi)际窃诒容^Sun Tzu’s time和World War Two這兩個時期的武器(weapons)、軍隊(armies)以及破壞程度和人民疾苦(devastation and humansufferings)，可考慮使用表比較的compared with結(jié)構(gòu)。意思相近的還有in contrast to、unlike、similar to等。

 

　　Choppy: Proverbsare short sayings. They are drawn from long experience.

 

　　Better: Proverbs are short sayings drawn from longexperience.

 

　　【評析】修改前的兩個句子的主語proverbs和they指代的內(nèi)容相同，因此可用which引導(dǎo)的定語從句連接這兩個句子，改為“Proverbsare short sayings which are drawn from long experience.”為使句子簡潔，可刪去which are。

 

　　Choppy: People change andplaces change as well. Jennifer felt this strongly. She had been away foreleven years.

 

　　Better: On returning after aneleven-year absence, Jennifer had a strong feeling of how people and placeschange.

 

　　【評析】修改前的幾個句子之間邏輯關(guān)系比較松散。分析這幾個句子之后我們發(fā)現(xiàn)，它們之間的關(guān)系應(yīng)為：“Jennifer離開了11年之后再回來，強(qiáng)烈感覺到人和事都變了”。修改后的句子把時間成分提前，后面是主次分明的主謂賓結(jié)構(gòu)，句間的邏輯關(guān)系一目了然。

 

　　Choppy: Beijing streets are crowdedwith taxis, company cars and private vehicles owned by the newly affluent. Thenumber has been rising rapidly in the last few years. The latest statisticsshow there are now 2.1 million vehicles in Beijing alone.

 

　　Better: Taxis, company cars andprivate vehicles owned by the newly affluent have crammed Beijing streets inrising numbers in the last few years—2.1 million vehicles at lastcount.

 

　　【評析】修改前的句子中有三個主謂結(jié)構(gòu)，句式結(jié)構(gòu)顯得比較單一，讀起來令人十分乏味，且句與句之間的邏輯關(guān)系比較松散。修改后的句子是主謂加同位語結(jié)構(gòu)，比較精煉、耐讀，且邏輯關(guān)系十分清晰。

 

　　Choppy: Moby Dick is a book. Itis a long book. It is about a whale. A man named Ahab tries to kill it. HermanMelville wrote it.

 

　　Better: Herman Melville wrote a long book called Moby Dick. It is the story of a struggleof a man against a whale.

 

　　【評析】修改前的幾個句子都是圍繞一本書的，書的名字、長短、主要內(nèi)容、作者等等，但這幾個句子句式結(jié)構(gòu)太過單一，讀起來完全感覺不到句子與句子之間的邏輯聯(lián)系，且顯得十分啰嗦。其實我們完全可以用一個句子來理順修改前的幾個句子之間的邏輯關(guān)系：“XX寫了一本XX書，書名叫XX，講的是關(guān)于XX的故事”。由此，我們可以嘗試用過去分詞形式(如called)、形容詞形式(如long)以及介詞結(jié)構(gòu)(如of、against等)來連接原文中的幾個句子，使句間的邏輯關(guān)系更為緊密。具體改法參見修改后的句子。

 

　　Choppy: Thousands of buildings met the same fate. This alone is now beingpreserved. It marks the center of the nuclear explosion. It is being preservedas a symbol. It symbolizes our wish that there be no more Hiroshimas.

 

　　Better: Of the thousands ofbuildings that met the same fate, this alone, marking the center of the nuclearexplosion,is now being preserved to symbolize our wish that there be no more Hiroshimas.

 

　　【評析】分析修改前的幾個句子，大意為“數(shù)千幢大樓都遭遇了同樣的命運(yùn)，唯獨(dú)這一幢標(biāo)志著核爆炸中心的建筑現(xiàn)在還被作為一個標(biāo)志保留著，標(biāo)明我們不希望再有更多的福島事件”。修改后的句子用了“介詞結(jié)構(gòu)+主語+分詞結(jié)構(gòu)修飾主語+謂語”來連接幾個看起來毫無關(guān)系的句子，使句間的邏輯關(guān)系更加清晰，又是一個突破簡單劃一的主謂結(jié)構(gòu)的典范。

 

　　Choppy: I have always had adream. My dream has been to be a famous writer. Everyone would read my books. Iwould become very wealthy.

 

　　Better: I have always dreamedof being a wealthy, famous writer, read by everyone.

 

　　【評析】修改前的句子連用四個短句，且?guī)缀醵际侵髦^賓結(jié)構(gòu)，句式重復(fù)單調(diào)。修改后的句子將“我有一個夢想”和“我的夢想是”合二為一，即I have always dreamed of來定位句子主干，再引出夢想的具體內(nèi)容“being a wealthy,famous writer”，最后通過過去分詞結(jié)構(gòu)將修飾語“讀者眾多”和writer相關(guān)聯(lián)。很明顯，修改后的句子主次分明、句式豐富且邏輯清晰。

 

　　Choppy: This is a wreck. It was formerly the stately Imperial Garden. Itis preserved deliberately as a reminder and symbol.

 

　　Better: This wreck, formerly the stately Imperial Garden, is preserveddeliberately as a reminder and symbol.

 

　　【評析】修改前的幾個句子主語this、it和it，其實指代的都是同一個事物wreck，所以完全可以用同位語以及從句來連接，使其更加緊密。修改后的句子用了“主語+同位語/插入語+謂語”結(jié)構(gòu)。

 

　　變化句式的常用技巧

 

　　英語的一個顯著特征是可以輕易地將簡單句轉(zhuǎn)化為復(fù)合句和(或)復(fù)雜句。復(fù)合句可以看做兩個簡單句的集合，類似丈夫和妻子，構(gòu)成夫妻這個整體但又各自獨(dú)立;復(fù)雜句則是主句和從句的結(jié)合，類似父母和孩子。請看下面的例子。

 

　　簡單句：My dog bit a boy.

 

　　復(fù)合句：My dog bit a boy and the boy was hurt. (and連接的是兩個獨(dú)立的句子)

 

　　復(fù)雜句：Although my dog is friendly most of thetime, it bit a boy yesterday. (although連接的是主從句)

 

　　將若干個關(guān)系松散的簡單句整合成邏輯嚴(yán)密的復(fù)雜長句的最佳方法是，先確定最核心成分，即主謂結(jié)構(gòu)，寫出主句，再將其余成分通過各種手段一一安排到合理的位置，常見的有從句、分詞、介詞詞組、同位語、不定式等。例如：

 

　　Before: LuHao graduated last summer. He joined the First Auto Works in Changchun soonafter graduation. He received an engineering degree from his college.

 

　　After: ①After graduating last summerwith an engineering degree, Lu Hao soon joined the First Auto Works inChangchun. (介詞結(jié)構(gòu)+主語+謂語)

 

　�、贏n engineeringdegree-holder, Lu Hao joined the First Auto Works in Changchun last summer soonafter graduation. (同位語+主語+謂語+狀語)

 

　�、跦aving graduated with an engineering degree, Lu Hao joined theFirst Auto Works in Changchun last summer. (分詞結(jié)構(gòu)+主語+謂語)

 

　　【評析】修改前的三個句子主語所指代的內(nèi)容相同，但彼此之間關(guān)系太過松散，因此可以考慮采用介詞詞組、同位語結(jié)構(gòu)或從句等不同的方式將這三個簡單句連接起來，詳見修改后的三個句子。

 

　　中譯英實例

 

　　1. 我們在接待室等待著，好像度日如年，永無盡頭。大約中午時分，醫(yī)生終于從手術(shù)室走了出來，向我們報告手術(shù)結(jié)果。

 

　　不合格譯文：We waitedat the reception room, which liked oneday seemed like a year, and havewaited without end. It was aboutnoon when the doctor came out of the operation room finally told us theresult of the operation.

 

　　【評析】第一個like有時態(tài)的變化，很明顯在此處是用作了動詞，表示“喜歡”，而不是“好像”，使用錯誤;將“度日如年”機(jī)械地直譯為one day seemed like a year并不符合英文的常見表達(dá)，而且and have waited without end在時態(tài)和表達(dá)上都有誤，建議改為“We waited at the reception room, which was painstakingly long.”另外，finally told us前要加and。

 

　　合格譯文：We waitedendlessly in the reception room, asthough the days dragged on like years. Around midday, the doctor finallywalked out of the operating room and told us the result.

 

　　【評析】句中的endlessly這個詞本身已經(jīng)含有“度日如年”的意思，可以刪去意思相近的表達(dá)asthough the days dragged on like years。

 

　　最佳譯文：Afterwhat seemed like an endless wait in the reception room, the doctor finally cameout of the operating room around noon time to announce the result of thesurgery.

 

　　【評析】將漢語原文的前半句以“after+ what從句”的形式呈現(xiàn)出來，既簡潔又富有創(chuàng)造性，且句子內(nèi)部邏輯性更加清晰。

 

　　2. 任何人都能觀看鐵人三項、馬拉松、公路自行車賽和帆船賽——全部免費(fèi)。

 

　　不合格譯文：Every one can watch triathlon, marathon, road cycle and sailing. They are allfree of charge.

 

　　【評析】Every one應(yīng)改為everyone;triathlon和marathon前面需要加the，且Marathon首字母應(yīng)大寫(若marathon變成復(fù)數(shù)，就無需大寫，也無需加定冠詞);road cycle應(yīng)改為road cycling。

 

　　合格譯文：Anyonecan watch the triathlon, the Marathon, road cycling and sailing. They are freeof charge.

 

　　【評析】句子本身沒有錯，但兩個短句顯得比較單調(diào)，且句子間的邏輯關(guān)系松散。

 

　　最佳譯文：Anyonecan watch the triathlon, marathons, road cycling, and sailing—allfree of charge.

 

　　【評析】“全部免費(fèi)”是對前半句各項賽事的補(bǔ)充說明，所以可以通過破折號引出，使句子連貫性更強(qiáng)，而且更簡潔。

 

　　練習(xí)

 

　　1. Memory is one of thoseabilities that we take for granted except when it fails us. So, memory is likedigestion in this way. (提示：去掉so，將兩個簡單句合并)

 

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　　2. In 1998, France was the toptourist destination. The country attracted about 70 million visitors. Spain wasin second place, with 48 million tourists. This represented a 10% increase forSpain from 1997. (提示：分析幾個句子的主語之間的關(guān)系，將主語相同的句子進(jìn)行合并)

 

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　　3. An Ideal Husband is a film adaptationof Oscar Wilde’s play. It tells the story of a popular politician who wasinvolved in a scandal that led to his downfall. (提示：兩個句子主語相同，可合二為一)

 

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　　4. She sat obediently. Her furcoat was still wrapped around her against the cold. (提示：可用從句連接兩個句子)

 

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　　5. Visits to the state park seta record in 1998. Compared with the year before, it was an increase of 11percent. (提示：兩個句子主語相同，可合二為一)

 

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　　6. In was quite obvious at thattime that IQ equals intelligence. Since then, however, many people haveseriously criticized the idea. (提示：分析句子結(jié)構(gòu)，后句theidea指代的是前邊句子that之后的內(nèi)容，可合二為一)

 

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　　7. Snow White did her choreswith a smile. Often she would sing while she worked. (提示：兩個句子主語相同，可合并為一個句子)

 

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　　8. Sitting in his apartment,drinking a cup of strong tea, Mr. Faxon reviewed his legal case against his boss.He had been doing this every night for seven nights. (提示：用狀語從句連接)

 

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　　參考答案

 

　　1. Like digestion, memory isone of those abilities that we take for granted except when it fails us.

 

　　2. In 1998, France was the toptourist destination with about 70 million visitors. Spain was in second place,with 48 million tourists, a 10% increase from 1997.

 

　　3. An Ideal Husband is a film adaptationof Oscar Wilde’s play that tells the story of a popular politician brought downby scandal.

 

　　4. She sat obediently, stillwrapped in her fur coat against the cold.

 

　　5. Visits to the state park seta record in 1998, up 11 percent from the year before.

 

　　6. The idea that IQ equalsintelligence seemed obvious at the time but has since come under muchcriticism.

 

　　7. Snow White did her choreswith a smile, often singing while she worked.

 

　　8. Sitting in his apartment,drinking a cup of strong tea, Mr. Faxon reviewed his legal case against hisboss, as he had every night for seven nights.